I’ve Had A Hole In My Heart For So Long

The burden of my loneliness is a crushing weight I endure each day.

The dark waters hypnotize me.

I see your face in every reflection.

I have grown weary of the bright lights of this city.

The cruelty of this town is only matched by the coldness of the steel and concrete.

The light that once shone in your amber eyes was all I needed.

Your face, so lovely.

Your skin translucent.  Your lips divine.

It is humbling to think you would ever deign to accompany me.

I took it all for granted, just assumed you would always be my companion.

Overwhelmed by nostalgia.

I cling to each and every remnant of our mutual past.

The gulf between us expands exponentially.

Glimpses of you, through a tinted window.

I am always too late.

In a blind fury, I run.

I wave my arms frantically but to no avail.

I may pursue you.  I may always be only steps behind you.

But the tragedy is, you have no idea and would care even less.

The rushing of water fills my ears yet cannot drown out the relentless voice of my ego.

So fragile, so wrecked.

Creatures I once considered mindless now have more direction than me.

As twilight descends on the city, I find myself roaming in unfamiliar places.

I am not only alone.

I have no identity without you.

Swallowed by night, aware of my existence and yet I am nowhere and everywhere.

I long to linger in your memory but I know it is too much to ask.

Words of comfort should have come from me.

I saw your sorrow but chose to look away.

The madness of the night has passed.

Exhausted, I throw myself on the bed and sleep a dreamless sleep.

For eternity I freefall forever suspended above the ground.

Plummeting past heartbreak to a realm of despair.

You are every woman to me.

Innocent and knowing and shameless all at the same time.

Will the Earth not rise to meet me?

Can it not put an end to my descent?

You walked away from me, gathered into yourself, wishing me no ill will.

Even as you leave me, I imagine our life together.

With growing horror, I realize I cannot escape.

The burden of my loneliness.

This hole in my heart.